Are we worthy of love?

"We, who are not handsome, nor brave, nor powerful, yet somehow believe, like Pinkerton, that we deserve a butterfly..."

The question to be asked here is "Do all men truly deserve something as pure?" It is a saying that all men only fall for women because they want to get laid, and don't give about a woman's feelings. Just as long as they run to "Home" a girl's feelings are irrelevant. But truly, are all men like that? Personally I think not. I believe that there are men who want a legitimate kind of love. The type of love that would make it seem like you would be meeting that person for the very first time every time you stare into their eyes.

However, the idea of men only having lust for a woman is stronger in this case. But here is an idea. Does lust not lead to love eventually? Shouldn't there be some kind of sexual attraction between a man and a woman before falling in love? Experiencing lust is inevitable. However, it is up to the man on how he would like to show that lust. Would he show it in a romantic way? Or would he just be the typical type to "Hit it and quit it"?

Looking back at the original quote stated from above, I personally believe that not all men deserve a woman as pure as a butterfly. Even if you are handsome, charming, etc. If at the end of the day you are nothing more than a shell of a good looking person, with out a heart, then you do not deserve a butterfly. However, if you are not good looking, but your heart is in a pure form, then you deserve a "butterfly". It isn't about how good your face look, or how toned your body is. But how good your heart is, and how toned your personality is. So I disagree with Gallimard's statement. Not all men deserve a butterfly, even if they are good looking. If the man does not live purely, then they are not worthy of love from any type of woman.

July of '95

We originally met around ‘93
But lets take it to July of ’95,
Where my best friend and I,
Shared the best summer of our lives,
When we were naïve and didn’t give a shit,
Whatsoever, about the world around us,
We played together fiercely,
As if we were two cubs being spied upon by British men,
Nah we were just best friends,
But you know the whole saying
“The best lovers always start off as friends”
Well that’s another story,
Let’s talk about a story of innocence,
My innocence,
Her innocence,
Our innocence,

I just approached the age of four,
Thermometer read one oh two,
So my best friend and I rendezvoused to the front of Orthello Street,
See Santa Clara was known for its notorious Summers,
But nah, that defeats the purpose,
We were scavengers,
We foraged my grandparents’ and her house for spare change,
Hoping to make that buck twenty five before Three o’clock.
So it would be the ice cream man to be greeted by us,
Not us by him,
So we made a buck fifty before three with ten minutes to spare,
We sat outside together in our shorts, t-shirts, and Nikes,
Blistering,
One Oh two,
Felt like death, but there we waited,
What felt like an eternity,
But before we knew it
“Pop goes the weasel”
We stood and looked down the street,
There he was,
We ran down the street,
He drove up the street,
We met half-way,
He stopped,
We shuffled through our pockets hearing the cha-ching of the coins,
She pointed at the double stick orange popsicle,
In which I agreed,
We sat on the side content,
She finished her popsicle before I even started mine,
“It’s hot! I want more!”
She cried,
I offered her some of mine,
But she refused,
Instead,
In a flash,
Her lips touched mine,
I looked at her with only confusion,
My heart raced like a hummingbird flapping its wings,
The butterflies emerged from their cocoons in my stomach,
I was lost,
Looking back, it made no sense thinking that our lips meeting would make her cooler,
But somehow, it made us both cool,
“I saw it on TV, a man and lady did it under a sprinkler,”

I became flustered,
From that point,
The experience of men blanketed me,
She reaped me of innocence,
I reaped her of hers,
But even though,
It was my first kiss,
And how sweet it was,
Ice cold orange,
It all began when we met in ’93,
But came to the first kiss in July of ’95,
When the mix of sweat and flies temporarily ceased,
With chill running down our spines from the connection of our lips like a long lost puzzle,
When we were reaped of innocence,
And the rest of our lives began,
You could ask me what happened in July of ’95,
I could tell you I turned four,
I could tell you I celebrated the birth of my little brother,
But I would tell you I kissed my best friend,
And oranges from that point became my favorite fruit.

What exactly is closure?

What exactly is closure? From the psychological point of view, as stated by dictionary.com

a. the tendency to see an entire figure even though the picture of it is incomplete, based primarily on the viewer's past experience.
b. a sense of psychological certainty or completeness: a need for closure.

Sometimes we find ourselves in these types of circumstances where we seek closure. But when we seek that closure, do we always get the type that we want? I was once told by a really good friend of mine that any type of closure is good. Be it on a good note, or even a bad note. Closure is always good because in the end if we do not resolve whatever conflict that we may be going through with someone else or even our inner beings, we will always have the "What ifs"

A "What if" is a statement in which we doubt a decision we might have made over something else. It is normal and healthy to honestly have these "What ifs". But there are the rare instances in where we allow the doubts to consume us. We end up doubting ourselves and our well being, which may cause us to go through some kind of state of burn out. We crawl into a metaphorical type of cocoon in which we conceal our real selves from the everyday world. And honestly we believe we are hopeless. All because of a simple what if. Instead of accepting our decision and whatever may have happened, we dwell in fantasies of what may have been trying to animate ourselves into thinking that it could be a possibility that the alternate reality we dream of will no longer be a fantasy. And there are the rare instances when said fantasies become reality, but how often is that?

As we spiral even deeper into the holes, we conjure up questions about ourselves, doubting ourselves and our very own existence. Always trying to look for the answer. But you know what, even when it seems like we go to the ends of the Universe for the answers we desire, it's ironic how the answer we seek has always been right in front of our eyes. But that we were too damn stubborn to accept those answers, and rather try to seek the impossible.

By accepting the "What ifs", the answers that we may not want, and accepting the fact that not all closure ends up the way we want it to end up, we will be living our lives easier. Rather than living in a state of hell in where we mutilate ourselves with mind games. In which is a portent to signify a wounded animal licking its wounds. We must accept that sometimes we can't always get what we want. That the answers we seek is sometimes the ones that are unbearable. But it is best to live in a state of mind where we are at balance with ourselves, rather in disarray.

I once lived in that state of "what if". But I came to the conclusion that it was all for the best, whatever had happened. That even if it may have ended on a terrible note, that there was closure. And that even if the answers I yearned for, were not the ones my heart wanted. That there was closure, that even if it may not have seemed like it; my life was brought back into balance.

I pondered on a "What if" that was irrelevant. That what I desired has always been right in front of my eyes. The company of amazing friends. The love of two wonderful parents and family. The company of beautiful people. My life is already the way I want it to be. I lived the past year with so many doubts and questions, but I had finally answered all them. I guess going through some type of state of burn out is normal. The type in where we doubt ourselves and everything around us. But you see, no "What if" is ever worth wasting a life away on. Just accept the closure that was placed before you, and if there hasn't been any type, then close it immediately. Life and all of its surroundings is already amazing. Don't let something as simple as a "What if" hinder you from experiencing the fruits of labor that life has presented towards you. Life is already immaculate, but letting that beauty burgeon, or wither away is all in your hands.

As for me, it's already amazing being able to live without any worries, besides that of school, ha ha ha. It can only get better. Obviously there will be hurdles, but from what I know is, "God won't give you a challenge that he knows you won't be able to handle on your own." So throw the doubts, what ifs, and everything irrelevant into the wind; and live your life, the way that it was intended to be.